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Life is pain....

...anyone who says anything different is selling something

9 July
External Services:
  • maldyeuthanasia@livejournal.com
  • XxMorbydxGurlxX
Suicidal Study (or why i dropped the knife)

i have
a will to live

it may seem odd

i mean, c'mon now
if there was ever
a headcase
a poster child
for suicide
it should be me


i went through those days
of slicing wrists
and refusing food
like all the other girls i know

hating yourself
is in our chromosomes…
as a girl
i was born
with a self loathing
that is as natural
and common
to a girl
as breasts are…

i got lost
somewhere along the tightrope
of prude and slut
depression seized me
of rape
and broken hearts
were everyday occurances…
i spent
"best years of my life"
in hospitals
learning how to deal with reality…

you believed
that i would
never amount to much
tried to keep it secret
but you didn't expect
to move past 16…
i could see it in your eyes
doomed to be
another teenage suicide
just a statistic
to be marked off and forgotten

took my pills
hated myself
almost as devotedly
i was too miserable to cut myself
and too tired to care

there were nights
i told myself
i had nothing left to live for…

but then


a little birdie spoke to me

i got off the medications
slimmed down, and saw
that i was beautiful
not only
because *he* said so
because i was…

i became inspired


i realized

i have
will to live
to love
to succeed…

because i know

it will piss you off
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